I give up ...

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I hate this.

Every day I wake up with the same feeling that I have when I'm going to sleep. And I hate this feeling. Even if I can't describe it, even if I can't put a name to that feeling, I know I hate it. I hate it with all my strenght. And it hurts. It hurts like hell that's the way it feels.

I'm tired of all this. I'm tired of being who I am. I'm tired of fighting a battle that I've lost. I'm tired of being lost and helpless. I'm tired of that every step that I take is another mistake. I'm tired of being weak, to feel weak. I'm tired of dreaming and then wake up. I'm tired of so many things ...And I just want to run, run away; without looking back. But I don't know where. I can't see a future, and the present it's falling apart.

When this feeling sank into me, it tore me apart. And still does.

When all is lost, only hope remains, right? Then... what can you do when you've lost all hope? What the hell is supposed I have to do? Tell me that.

It's hard to deal with the pain; but I'm doing it. It's hard to force that smile every day when I'm alone. Still Harder. I try not to think about anything. Just keep walking, one step, another step. I don't want to take a few tears and just let them out. So I stand.

And I feel that it's killing me.

I can't hold that. Please, I just... I give up. I just want to make this go away.

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...

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